My journey from 2000-2008 was very painful and difficult. I went to my Doctor to have the pellets
inserted with high hopes that all would be well. Instead I had a terrible reaction causing me
to become aggressive, moody, and out of control. I was not feeling myself, which contributed to
the problems at home with my husband. The
mood swings were far beyond normal moodiness and my aggressive behavior caused
a violent episode between my husband and I, in which I struck him. I sought help from a behavioral Doctor and
that’s when I learned I had been given an incorrect dosage of testosterone,
which altered my brain chemistry and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He said there would be no recovery. I was devastated.
2000-2003 Life as I knew it was over. I would lose my job, my husband would ask for
a separation I didn’t want, and then a divorce would be finalized. He couldn’t handle my diagnoses, but then he
had problems all of his own. You name
it, it happened in my household all the while I was trying to raise a young
child and dealing with side effects from over 10 medications all in a three-year
span of time.
2003-2005 I continued to spiral out of control unable to cope
with the divorce. The fighting back and
forth was draining. The side effects to all the medications were terrible. I was losing weight at rapid speed then my
hair started to fall out. I had by then
lost faith in GOD. How could he allow
all this to happen to me? I couldn’t
tell you during this time period how often I opened up my bible. I had lost faith and trust in all that I
knew. I would attempt suicide twice from
the effects of my medications, which were switched up more times than I can
count. One evening I would open the
window in my bedroom thinking I heard children calling me out to play. The second time I would be on the road,
feeling lost with no hope. I was in my
car stuck in traffic getting physically sick from the new medication I was put on. I was losing focus and self-control. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore and
driving my car off the bridge was my solution, but in that split second
something pulled me off the road. I felt
rushed to get off the bridge and parked my car in front of a Hobby Lobby. “I need to get out of the car, I need to pull
myself together. I have to clear my
head,” I thought to myself. I walked
into Hobby Lobby and there was a painting class about to start. I asked if I could
join. You must know I had never picked
up a paintbrush before other than in grammar school. It was a Bob Ross class so I bought all the
supplies needed and I joined the class.
My new journey begins in 2006-2008 God begins his greatest
work in me and I will share the wonderful work he did in my life in the last
installment of this series.
This is what I created in that first Bob Ross class, I would never think of suicide again. God had bigger plans for me.
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